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Pleasure School: Sexual fantasies

Emma Vankeirsbilck is a passionate sexologist. She works in a general practice in Belgium where she does consultations and works as a counsellor for victim support. She also runs the podcast and instagram page “SeksualiTijd” together with colleague sexologist Anke, where many topics about sex, relationships and intimacy are discussed.

Sexual fantasies

They cause you to feel something. They can be very nice, but they can also be accompanied by intense feelings of shame. This is not abnormal, since how often do we really talk to each other about the things we fantasize about? Very little.

Almost everyone has sexual fantasies and the possibilities are endless; a memory, a thought, a story or an image that you made up yourself. They can occur spontaneously, but you can also summon them yourself or they can be triggered by something you see, hear, taste, smell,… These fantasies can be realistic and unrealistic and even non-sexual content can turn someone on sexually. You can fantasize during sex with a partner, but also during masturbation or just at a random time of day.

The great thing is that in a fantasy you are in control of everything. They really are yours and yours alone. Thanks to science we now know that the brain is the organ of pleasure. An orgasm takes place in your genitals and in your brain. Knowing this, you will understand even better what a positive influence your fantasy can have on your (solo) sexuality!

Yet many people still worry about their fantasies. There is no need for that, as there is nothing wrong with fantasizing. For most people there is a big difference between their fantasy and reality. So a fantasy does not equal a wish. Just because you fantasize about something doesn’t mean you want to carry it out. Perhaps the thought of actually carrying out your fantasy triggers disgust, or you just like the idea of turning your fantasy into something out of reach and therefore extra exciting. A fantasy is very innocent, no matter how crazy or extreme it is. There is no need to be ashamed of your fantasies!

Questioning whether your sexual fantasies are normal is therefore not really what it’s all about. What really matters is what the function of the fantasy is for you. Sexologists mainly see the positive side of these fantasies. Fantasizing during masturbation or intercourse can cause a lot of positive substances to be released in the brain, which can make an orgasm come quicker or more intense!

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